Pleading at the Door of the Most Merciful

Will I See You One Day?

2011-09-14T12:12:00.000+10:00

I yearn so badly to see You one day.

A wish for which no amount of gold And silver could ever pay

So strong a feeling it is in my heart it burns like an eternal fire...

So intense A prayer, it is greater than any other desire..

I ask: Will the good I have done in my life suffice?

Will my face on that day be gloomy and gray or lit up so bright?

Or of seeing you ya Allah will my eyes be deprived?

Will I be of those who stand beneath Your shade on that remarkable Day?

Oh how my heart trembles of fear when I think of what could be my fate..

And so I bow to You ya Allah and I Prostrate

I pray it is not too late..

So, I ask Ya Rabb, will I see You one day?

I know I do not deserve Your Grace and Your Paradise

So I ask for Your forgiveness and mercy till the day I die

So that I may drink from Those pure rivers of wine

And be in the presence of the most blessed and greatest of mankind

And to wander through Your beautiful Jannah so divine..

So weak I am, and merely Your servant made from clay

So Compassionate You are, so Mighty and so Great.

So, I ask Ya Rabb, Will I see You one day?

2011-07-10T16:01:00.000+10:00

"That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking."
— Sarah Dessen

We Plan, but Allah is the Best of Planners

2011-05-11T22:20:00.000+10:00

Allah’s Plans:

Some things are beyond planning. Life doesn’t always turn out as planned.
You don’t plan for a broken heart.
You don’t plan for an autistic child.
You don’t plan to be single forever.
You don’t plan for a lump in your breast. Or a disease. Or broken bones.

You plan to be young forever. You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful. You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe. You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.
You don’t plan to be sad. You don’t plan to be shattered. You don’t plan to be hurt. You don’t plan to be broke. You don’t plan to be betrayed. You don’t plan to be alone in this world.

Sometimes, if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But MOST times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does Allah in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand Allah’s plans, especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when He sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger.

True, we cannot choose what Allah wishes us to carry, but we can carry it with courage knowing that He will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, He allows pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, Allah sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, He allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
And sometimes, Allah takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans, but understand that we live only by Allah’s grace, His Fadhal(favour) and His Rahma (mercy)..

From: Unknown Source

The Veil of Faith

2011-04-18T00:38:00.000+10:00

If you cannot see beyond my headscarf, that I am a human being... That I have a mind... A heart... and a soul... Then something is wrong with your intellect and wisdom.

I am not unliberated... I am not uneducated nor am I oppressed.

I am not forced to dress in this way. I do this because I have chosen this way of life for myself & I do this out of love for God.

It brings me happiness, comfort & a connection with my Creator that you may never truly understand.

Why is this so hard to comprehend?

All days are nights to see till I see thee...

2010-10-07T00:56:00.001+11:00

When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,
For all the day they view things unrespected;
But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,
And darkly bright are bright in dark directed.
Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,
How would thy shadow's form form happy show
To the clear day with thy much clearer light,
When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!
How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made
By looking on thee in the living day,
When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade
Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay

All days are nights to see till I see thee,
And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me.

~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XLIII" ~

Success Comes with Trying

2010-10-07T00:43:00.001+11:00

"I don't believe in failure, because simply by saying you've failed, you've admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and whine and moan and wait for the world to change for them."

— Sarah Dessen

Have You Ever?

2010-10-01T12:52:00.002+10:00

Have you ever met a person that fulfilled you deep inside? Someone who's never failed you and stands, no matter what, always by your side. Someone who gives from their heart, who brings sunshine all around... Always smiling and laughing, never bringing you down. Have you ever watched a sunset, across the ocean shore...? And been filled with love and peace, never needing more? Have you ever listened to the wind, Blowing restlessly through the night...And allowed yourself to fly away, Never returning into sight? Have you ever been in love with a person so bad, and wanted nothing more, than to be loved by that person back? Have you ever when I speak to you, seen the light in my eyes, so vibant and bright? If you ever hear my heart beat, you would know how dear you are in my life. I wonder… will you ever be with me? Will you ever be mine? Will you love me how I love you? And will you care if you ever saw me cry? Have you ever thought of how to thank the one you love? And if you have, did you believe your thanks would be enough? Have you showed your darling everything that is beautiful? And everything that she would like? Have you told her everything that is delightful? And everything that is right? Should you worry about my love for you? Do you ever ask yourself that? Don’t worry the words “I Love You” will never be taken back. Now just one more thing I would like to make clear, and that is I hope my love you will never doubt nor fear… I pray you never do my dear. If that is so, then let me know, so I can make your fears disappear. One day you will find out, just how very much I love you and how I would love you to be near... Always and forever...

Just Another ‘Vent Your Spleen’ Moment!

2010-10-01T12:41:00.001+10:00

Oh the agonies of law! I cannot recall how many times I have told myself to leave law school. But alas, I am still here... counting down the few weeks remaining (inshaAllah). Sometimes I think why do we do all this? Sometimes everything in life feels pointless... Our final destination is the grave, right? So why not just spend every bit of our life in worship and in preparation for that? Instead of wasting 5 years of my life studying law or whatever? Anyway, You get my point.

Allah is by Your Side

2010-09-30T22:29:00.000+10:00

Through all your hardship & your pain
Rest assured for Allah is by your side
As you look up at the stars & bow your head down as you pray
Know that Your Lord has blessed you and His favours you cannot deny
You are a Muslim & thus you are blessed indeed
So be sincere to this deen & content with all that Allah has decreed
And as your heart throbs with pain, & your eyes well up with tears
Be Strong, trust Him, & set your heart free from all fears
NEVER forget that Allah is the One that knows all & hears
All you’ve been through, in the past days & years
So know that you will never be alone
For Allah will never leave His true and faithful servant on his own

Time

2010-09-12T14:07:00.002+10:00

Time.
Like a Sword.
Is cutting me.
Time.
Rushing past.
Not a second look it gives me.
Time.
So vital.
Yet I fail to see.
Time.
So precious.
Yet I waste perpetually.
Oh how I wish I could only control this sword cutting me.

Where is the Love?

2010-08-18T00:35:00.003+10:00

What is it that I just cannot understand? There is something I simply cannot pinpoint?

How could such intense love and intense hurt both coexist in one thing? How could two emotions from two extremes of the spectrum just conflict like that? How can something be so bitter yet so sweet?

How beautiful were the days when everything was sweet and simple? The days of our childhood... when our biggest concern was winning the maths competitions at school and which sport we will be selected for to compete in inter-school sports? Oh how I miss those days when we were all so innocent.

But things change.

Now we are big kids playing in this big world. Once upon a time we dreamt of doing what adults did but little did we know what awaited us. Why grow up? I guess Peter Pan had a point. Why can’t we just climb onto his ship and fly away to Never-never Land? And each of us has our own little Tinker bell to sprinkle fairy dust on us each time we wanted to fly away?

I guess we can only dream. Because this is real life. Now we endure. We endure from Pain. Hurt. Heartbreak. Illness. Depression. Anxiety. And the list goes on. And if we aren’t physically bearing this pain, we suffer as we watch others suffer.

Now we witness the dehumanization of people. We witness the blood of people become cheap because they adhere to a certain faith or come from a different country. Truly sad and extremely disgusting. But neither of these words could ever possibly come close to conveying the true nature of these atrocities committed in the name of global security, freedom and whatever other baloney terms they employ to brainwash us with.

Just Watch those in Palestine and you will understand... Those in Iraq... Those in Chechnya... Those in Bosnia... Afghanistan. Kosovo. The Middle East. Pakistan. Day after day millions are being persecuted in their own land, mothers killed in front of their children. Children killed in front of their parents. Men killed cold-bloodily for defending their right to survive. Defending their right to freedom. Defending their right to live. And they... they just kill. They kill with no heart and no conscience. They know nothing else. Where is the love they speak of? Where is the peace? Where are all these things that our so-called leaders preach about? Yes, actions speak louder than words... but their words are powerless, their words are futile. They proclaim nothing but lie upon lie upon lie.

And so the world continues to wait for a leader to stand up against these pathetic fools. We will continue to pray and wait. A day will come when all these crimes and injustice are paid for. Perhaps not in the Criminal Courts of the world. Yet surely in the Court of the Creator, the Just, the Most High.

So, until justice prevails, and the anguish of this world is exterminated for good, I guess a part of us will continue to yearn for our life in Never-never land, when we knew nothing of the cruelty of this world. And all we did was play with dolls, enjoy fake tea parties, and run around in crazy circles chanting ring-a-ring-o'-rosies.

Hope...

2010-06-28T21:26:00.002+10:00

When nothing matters anymore and you’re greatest companion is solitude, tears become your source of comfort.

As you turn away from the pains of this world, all the bloodshed, the crimes, and the hurt, not even love can bring a smile to your heart…

You feel estranged in the streets you once called home and the nights you sought rest and sleep in once upon a time are now the initiators of tears, loneliness and strong yearning for what you don’t have.

Yet despite how down you feel, as if the earth will open up and swallow you, there will always be that glimmer of hope… that light at the end of the tunnel… that single star shining in the sky… that will bring the smile back to your lips.

Poets

2010-02-10T16:37:00.000+11:00

They say the words left unspoken…
They express the emotions which you cannot.
They hold a status of great wisdom…
They are our fathers of poetry
From the greats of the deserts of Arabia…
To the wise of the Palaces of Constantinople…
Narrating the viciousness of battles lost and won of the past,
And depicting the deepest of love…
Their ink does not dry out…
And their poetry lingers forever in the hearts and minds of men.

Forever and Always

2010-01-26T13:40:00.005+11:00

There's a feeling in my heart which I just cannot grasp,
Oh how i pray for it to eternally last.
There's a twinkle in his eyes,
So entrancing, so fine,
So beautiful it is to know that he is all mine.
His touch is like a summer breeze,
Oh so soft, and oh so sweet.
His smile so perfect it touches my heart,
His embrace so strong, I never wish to part.
Forever and always is how we'll be,
Forever and always, just him and me.

Good bye

2009-06-01T17:20:00.002+10:00

As you Walk away...
a tear
a single tear
Forms,
glistens
and falls.
Taking with it
my words
and my heart.

Goodbye

Words Left Unsaid

2009-01-05T00:15:00.006+11:00

The reason why she is writing at this moment she, herself, is uncertain of...

Some emptiness deep within has roused the need to write...

For when no person can hear her cry, and no solution can be found... Ink on paper is what she resorts to.

And as she lay awake at this time, she could not stop thinking of what was.

She lamented over the past where not one thing she had said could've properly conveyed her feelings and thoughts.

She does not know what to write nor what urged her to do so, but what she knows is that she is lost in a sea of shattered dreams, suppressed hopes and stiffled cries...

The ink in her pen, although as abundant as water, is going dry...

Yet, her emotions are still pouring out in an ongoing flood of love, hurt and an attachment she can't seem to let go of...

A tear falls... and others follow... one after the other...

And as each tear speaks a language of its own,

Each tear drop represents those words left unsaid.

Between the Past and the Future...

2008-12-22T22:16:00.001+11:00

Your life in the present moment is in between the past and the future. So what has preceded can be rectified by tawbah (repentance), nadam (regret) and istighfar (seeking Allaah’s forgiveness). And this is something that will neither tire you, nor cause you to toil as you would with strenuous labour. Rather it is an action of the heart. Then as regards the future (then it can be corrected) by withholding yourself from sins. And this abandonment is merely the leaving of something and to be at ease from it. This also is not action of the limbs, which requires you to strive and toil. Rather this is a firm resolve and intention of the heart – which will give rest to your body, heart and thoughts. So as for what has preceded, then you rectify it with repentance. And as for the future – then you rectify it with firm resolve and intention. Neither of these involves any hardship or exertion of the limbs. But then your attention must be directed to your life in the present - the time between two times. If you waste it, then you have wasted the opportunity to be of the fortunate and saved ones. If you look after it, having rectified the two times – what is before and after it, as we have said – then you will be successful and achieve rest, delight and ever-lasting bliss. However, looking after it is harder than that which comes before and after it, since guarding it involves keeping to that which is most befitting and beneficial for your soul, and that which will bring it success and well-being.

[Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah - al-Fawaa’id, pp 151-152]

Searching for Strength

2008-11-11T12:37:00.013+11:00

Her mind wanders frantically,
And she is lost in a state so turbulent with no concern of place nor time...

She walks amongst the people of the world,
Yet she feels no connection with them. So alone she seems... So fragile.

Surrounded by an empty hollowness,
She releases a long and seemingly endless sigh.

Clouds above her gather and darken in the sky
She is witness to the heavens above her cry...
And no longer is there any distinction between the tears of the sky
and the tears falling from her eyes.

The smile on her face conceals a hurt she cannot decipher nor define
It is strength she so desperately seeks but cannot seem to find.

Her eyes are in pain from little rest... yet even when they sleep, very little does her mind.

Reality continues to slap her and it hurts more and more every time,
So she keeps walking through the dark tunnel...
waiting to see the light.

When will her heart beat again? When will things be the same?
When will things make sense? When will the pain go away?

Her blue skies are now gone,
and still her heart is in pain.
Her mind is still wandering,
And she is still searching...

For the strength
to get her through every day and night.

It belongs to Him

2008-11-05T12:00:00.000+11:00

Muhammad bin Ka‘b relates that there was a great ‘alim (learned person) and ‘abid (worshipper) in the Banu Israil (Children of Israil). He loved his wife very much. Co-incidentally, she passed away. This person was so grieved by this that he locked his door and abstained from meeting and conversing with people. A woman from the Banu Israil heard about this so she went to him. She informed those who were guarding the entrance to his house that she wants to ask him a mas'ala (question) and that it can only be asked directly to him. Saying this, she sat down stubbornly by the door. The person was informed of this and eventually permitted her to enter.

She said: "I want to ask you a mas'ala."

He replied: "Go ahead."

She said: "I have a neighbor from whom I borrowed some jewellery. I am wearing it for quite some time now. Thereafter she sent a person asking for her jewellery. The question I want to ask you is that do I have to give it back to her?"

The ‘âlim replied: "Yes, you have to give it back to her." The woman replied: "That jewellery was with me for a very long time. How can I give it?"

The ‘âlim replied: "In such a case, you should give it even more happily because it was out of her kindness that she allowed you to use it for such a long time." When he said this, the woman replied:

"May Allah have mercy on you? Why, then, are you so sad? Allah had loaned you something and when He wished, He took it back. (Because) it belongs to Him."

"When in your life an emotional injury takes place, (such as losing someone close to heart...) the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust that nature will do the healing. Know that the pain will pass, and, when it passes, you will be stronger, happier, more sensitive and aware."

When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul smiles for what it has found

When we feel that we are going through a lot of pain in life, then let us look at the pains of the Prophet (saw) in his life as that would (inshaAllah) help us in finding strength and consolation.

One Tear Drop

2008-10-31T00:33:00.000+11:00

One tear drop rolls slowly down her cheek,
but what was the cause of this emotional peak?
Was this the mark of fears untold?
Or of the joy, not even the strong could hold?
Did the tear betray a simply sad story?
Or a memory of days full of pride and glory?
Was this the tear for the loss of a love?
Or in thanks for a gift bestowed from above?
One tear drop rolled down her cheek,
but of the cause she does not yet speak.
This simple feeling that she let fall away,
was one she did not mean to display.
It is a moment meant only for her heart,
not shown for the world to destroy or part

9 Hardest Times of Your Life...

2008-10-31T00:05:00.010+11:00

1. Being questioned when you yourself don’t understand.
2. Pretending to be innocent of what you are guilty about.
3. Trying to forget something you know you never will.
4. Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right.
5. Debating with yourself.
6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.
7. Trying to understand when you just can’t.
8. Realizing that you’ve been fooled after you’ve given your whole trust.
9. Parting with and letting go of someone who made you believe in love again.
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Untitled

2008-10-14T23:12:00.004+11:00

Everything so wild

She is going insane

Can she turn back, can she stop right now?
Will her heart, in this state remain?

Memories of you flood her mind
Your laugh rings like a sweet chime in her ears

In her sky you shall forever shine
And she'll be thinking of you over the many years.

As she sees your face amongst the crowd,
She turns to hide away from you any trace of pain

Deep inside, all she wants is to see you smile
Forever and for always, through all of time.

Despite any tear that may flow from her eyes,
And any hurt she may feel in her heart,

Your happiness will bring her joy,
Whether you are eternally together or always apart.

--------

Stay Safe

Alone I Stand

2008-10-10T17:28:00.003+11:00

So empty this feeling I have inside...
The solution is there... So simple.. But oh so hard to apply.

The tears fill my eyes...
And I remember your smile.

Will I see you again?
Will it ever be the same?

Your image is engraved in my heart...
And my soul calls out your name.

What is it about you?
I just cannot explain.

So secure in your arms...
I felt so safe.

No where I'd rather have been...
No other place.

But alas, here I stand...
Alone.

How I wish you were here with me...
How I wish for you to stay.

He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful

2008-09-09T20:06:00.001+10:00

And if Allah touches you with hurt, there is none who can remove it but He; and if He intends any good for you, there is none who can keep back His favour; He brings it to whom He pleases of His servants; And He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Qur'an Surah Yunus; 10:107

Heaven at your feet...

2008-08-16T23:54:00.007+10:00

There are times when you are lost in a world...
A world where you forget what really matters.
There are things that once were of high stature in your life but now are neglected..
There are people who mean the world to you yet are now forgotten...

Walking down memory lane I came across every moment that made my heart jump
I came across every person whom my heart smiled to...
However, above every thing I cherished in one way or another in my life, mum and dad, you are right there at the very top.

On top of the world, emanating your light upon me, and showing me the way...
Your perfect love is of outstandingly indescribable traits.
The joy you bring to my soul with just a smile I can neither define nor explain...
Your eternal pleasure and love do I yearn to attain...
The key to Paradise is only in your hand, and it is at your feet that heaven does lay.

Nothing more than a delusion

2008-08-15T22:31:00.003+10:00

"Haroon ar-Rasheed (r) once prepared a lavish banquet and adorned his castle with the adornment of this dunya. He invited so many guests, and as the special guest, he invited the famous poet Abul A’tahiyah. When he arrived, Haroon ar-Rasheed said "Describe for us this bounty, this beauty we are now in.” The poet said: "Live as you wish, safe, in the shade of the towering castles.” Haroon ar-Rasheed said: "This is excellent.” Abul A’tahiyah said: "That whatever you desire is brought to you whether it is in the morning or evening.” Haroon ar-Rasheed said: "This is beautiful! Then what is next?” Haroon ar-Rasheed broke down in tears for the poet said:

"When the souls quiver in the shade of the rattling chest at that moment then you will know for certain that all of this was nothing more than a delusion.”

The moment to cast off laziness...

2008-08-15T12:07:00.002+10:00

A Quote From Salahuddeen Ayyoobi

[Abu Shamma, Kitab ar-Rawadatain (History Book)]

We hope in Allah - Subhannah wa Ta'aala - Who leads the hearts of Muslims to calm [concerning] what torments them and ruins their prosperity.

Where is the sense of honour of the Muslims?...
The pride of the Believers?..
The zeal of the Faithful?.

We shall never cease to be amazed at how the disbelievers - for their part - have shown trusts, and it is the Muslims who have been lacking in zeal. Not one of them has responded to the call. Not one intervenes to straighten what is distorted; but observe how far the Franks have gone. What unity they have achieved. What aims they pursue. What help they have given. What sums of money they have borrowed and spent. What wealth they have collected and distributed and divided amongst them[selves]. There is not a king left in their lands or islands, not a lord or a rich man who has not competed with his neighbours to produce more support and rival his peers in strenuous military efforts. In defence of their religion they consider it a small thing to spend life and soul; and they have kept their infidel brothers supplied with arms and champions of war; and all they have done and all their generosity has been done purely out of zeal for him [who] they worship in jealous defence of their faith.

The Muslims, on the other hand, are weakened and demoralised; they have become negligent and lazy, the victims of unproductive stupification and completely lacking in enthusiasm. If - Allah forbid - Islam should draw reign, obscure her splendour, blunt her sword there would be no one, east or west, far or near who would blaze the zeal for Allah's Deen, or choose to come to the aid of Truth against falsehood. This is the moment to cast off laziness, to summon from far and near all those men who have blood in their veins; but we are confident (Note: Our Brother in Islam speaks concerning himself and the small party of believers who began with him and who then became a large party); but we are confident thanks to Allah - Alhamdulillaah - in the help that will come from Him and [we] entrust ourselves to Him in sincerity of purpose and deepest devotion.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve...

2008-08-08T23:47:00.004+10:00

“... All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood.... O People! No Prophet or Apostle will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People! and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Qur’an and my Sunnah (i.e., sayings, deeds, and approvals) and if you follow these you will never go astray..."

-PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW, IN HIS LAST SERMON-

Stranger N Proud!

2008-07-15T22:31:00.002+10:00

Silent Stares...
Nervous smiles...
Hesitant steps taken towards me...

With the words of Tawheed engraved in my heart I approached the world with my smile.

What ran through their minds, I wondered, as my eye made contact with theirs?
It didn't matter, and I didn't care.

Oppressed they thought I was? Uneducated? Not Free?
A stranger in this world I walked in...
Covered from head to toe, I upheld this Deen
But as much as they stared, they simply were too blind to see.

With unshakable faith, I continued to smile
Surrounded by an army of Angels, and heaven in my eyes,
As strange as I looked, I would never step down
Forever I will hold my head up high, forever proud!

All Praise be to You

2008-07-15T21:37:00.003+10:00

The priceless bounties You have bestowed upon me
I can neither thank You nor praise You sufficiently
With every particle of air I inhale and exhale
I am aware that You are with me without any fail
And when my pain sees no end and my eyes are swollen from tears
To You I turn to comfort me, eradicating my fears
I turn away from the world as the world turns away from me
And alone I remain... Nobody to understand what I want nor what I need
So while my eyes cry from joy and as my heart bleeds from pain
It's only You Allah I thank and praise
For it is only You that can comfort, cherish and sustain.

I wish I may... I wish I might

2008-07-15T21:23:00.005+10:00

So sleepless.. I spend my night in sighs...

The tears sting as I yearn for just one look into your eyes.
Just a glimpse of you... And a glimpse of your smile...
I continue to wait for this dream, hoping it soon to come into near sight...
Yet so distant it seems, it is making the pain hard to fight...
But I still wish I may... and I still wish I might...
Be the one you wish for every night

Struggling

2008-07-15T21:15:00.003+10:00

So Afraid to cross that line...
My heart is in fear...
My soul cries out to You oh Allah
Yearning to taste the sweetness of this faith, so dear...

Free me from these dunya chains...
For I am struggling to break free...
I know that with every breath You are with me,
So, liberate my soul and save it from drowning in this worldly sea

Yaa Rabb, make my nafs not one to be tempted by the treasures of this prison
Trapped I feel, with nowhere to go... Make Your Qur'aan my only guidance
Struggling I am... I need You ya Allah, I need You to give me strength,
This life is of no worth, Yaa Rabbi accept from me when I repent...

I want to be strong...
Yet I'm struggling through...
Allow me to taste the purity of iman...
Allow me to feel the tenderness of being close to You...

Alhamdu Lillah

2008-05-21T17:23:00.005+10:00

Suddenly things appear so bleak and the picture seems unclear.
My eyes burn as they fill with tears and I turn my back on this world.
Restless and unable to think straight, my only desire is to just walk away.
Fatigue overcomes me and my eyes struggle to remain open.
My body is weak and the only comfort I seem to find is in the pages of the Book.
With words that speak straight to me, I am reminded of the sole purpose of this Life
And with the soothing verses of its chapters, my heart is overwhelmed with content,
The content that only exists with faith and reliance on The Lord, Almighty.
So even when the heart is bleeding, and the tears are falling,
Look up at the sky... Raise your hands up high.
The Most Supreme, The Sublime will most definitely respond to your cry...
Alhamdu Lillahi Rabbil 'Aalameen

Be Mindful of Allah

2008-05-11T23:13:00.002+10:00

On the authority of Abu Abbas Abdullah the son of Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both), who said:

One day I was behind the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he said to me: Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]:

Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.

Allah Knows

2008-04-26T19:12:00.005+10:00

Just one step at a time
As hard as it may seem
With Allah by your side
You'll make it through

The entire world and all that is in it may stand against you
But know they will not harm you without His will

So be strong
Smile
Praise God
For you are truly blessed

A long road it is
With no one on your side but He
So hold your head up high
Know you are loved

They can try to bring you down
They can try to quiet you
But they will not succeed
No, they will not.

Do not stoop to their level
Be better than them
And insha'Allah you are

Because Allah Knows
He sees all... He hears all
So hold your tears in
Don't let them get to you
Allah Knows...

Darkness to Light

2008-04-22T23:28:00.003+10:00

Chillin’ and hangin’ with your crew;
With your Islam, are you being true?
What a sad state our ummah has become;
Disintegrated when we once stood strongly as one.
How long will this continue for?
When will we finally awake?
Return to sincerely following Allah’s law,
And cease putting our reputation at stake....

Let Islam ascend like the sun,
Let it shimmer and shine upon everyone;
Bow down to none other than Allah the Almighty One,
Repent, erase the past, what’s done is done.

Let the tears of repentance flow from your eyes,
Taste the sweetness of returning to the Great One, The Wise.
Feel the beauty of Islam warm you up from inside;
Let its splendour overwhelm you; may you reach Paradise.

The freedom of belonging to the Sublime;
Blessed with the gift of the Holy Quran,
A book like no other, limited to neither place nor time;
Sent as a blessing to all of mankind.

So turn your back on the world,
And raise your hands up to the sky,
Make dua to your Lord
And let Islam carry you from darkness to light.

A Child

2008-04-20T21:02:00.007+10:00

Our embellished dreams desire you

To abide in them and be lighted.

And we wait for the day to see you

In the future shining as the greatest

The concept of Life was explained to me for hours and days;

And revealed to me lyrics of the loveliest words.

Yet, as Baffled and amazed that I was,

Nobody depicted life better than your angelic gaze,

Verses of poetry, in your eyes, I can see;

Serene Tunes from your lips, I can hear, summon for me;

Such beautiful tunes and melodies produce joy in my heart;

As the universe sings the song that asserts and declares for you my love;

A blessed life it is, seeing it in your eyes

Do not fear and do not cry,

We will be Forever by your side

Dear Friend

2008-04-20T17:48:00.005+10:00

Oh my dear who has gone; what am I to do but be patient?

We met thinking we will never separate; and now we have separated knowing we may never meet again...

Because of the needs of life, there is no choice other than to go… to leave.

I watch the sun set and it is as if its setting rays are swords striking my heart;

The heart begins to beat rapidly and between the beats all I hear is a voice calling…

Good bye...

The tongue cannot possibly express what the heart and emotions truly wish to say....

And with the “good bye... good bye”

The tongue means: STOP STOP

Stop this pain and just leave...

Every hour I spent with you passes through my mind...

And the desire to see you again increases with each moment.

But I know it is not possible for another meeting right now

So I just continue to burn on the inside pretending everything’s alright.

And the complaints continue to my soul as I fall apart hour after hour and day after day;

The tears of sadness trickle down albeit knowing the uselessness of it all

My friend:

How beautiful being around you was.

YOU - My Mate

2008-04-20T16:36:00.008+10:00

You are to me all time and place,

So passionate, So alive, you have left me in a craze

Your eyes are an empty piece of land,

In which I see nothing but your heart beats' pace,

I drowned in those beautiful eyes of yours,

Destroying in my heart all pain; not leaving any trace.

You showed me affection in all different ways,

Your charming demeanor is one full of grace

You are everything to me, My life... My mate...

You are all that I wish to hold, love and embrace,

And finally, you helped me remain on The Road so Straight...

And Upon God the Almighty we send all Praise

My Darling Parents

2008-04-20T16:15:00.003+10:00

It takes so much to know what is love,
and that the little things usually mean more than the large.
So many things I have put you through,
But there is never a moment that goes by I don't think of you.
You always calm me and lift my spirits high,
You are there to wipe away my tears; upon you I can forever rely
And in the middle of those dark nights,
You are by My side quieting me when I cry
Whenever I need you, I know you will be there,
To help me with your full comfort and care.
Mum and dad, I love you.
And always will until time is through.

Yaa Allah

2008-04-20T16:11:00.003+10:00

Oh to You Allah belongs the earth and the sky

All praise is due to You; You are the Great. the Most High

With You rest my life and my death

And with You is my fate in this life and the next

So much love and mercy to me You have shown

Erasing all my pain – I am no longer alone

You are there in the night as I call unto You

While my faith and intentions I always renew

I stand before You but ever so ashamed and so weak

It is Your mercy and forgiveness I wholeheartedly seek

Your glorified names my lips repeat

For You belongs my every breath, my every heart beat

My eyes sting and tears flow down my face

As it is Your name I constantly call upon & praise

Prostrating, my heart trembles with pain while Your pleasure is my only concern

To You I cry out ‘Yaa Allah’ and to You I shall return

Oh Lord, to You my life I will dedicate

And to you will I humbly bow down and prostrate

All power and strength do You transcend

And upon Your Prophet praise and blessings I send

With You as my Lord I am content

And it is on You whom I shall solely depend

Train of Life

2008-04-19T21:41:00.009+10:00

As the pages keep turning and the scenes of life come after another, she approaches a sudden halt in her life…

She paused and allowed the world to keep spinning while she moved out and watched as an outsider… Spiritually, she had reached a stage where she was hit badly, bruised, hammered, battered, and shattered; whatever you want to call it. This stop was indeed, a vital one for her, as well as every Muslim as each and every one of us gets caught up in the waves of the world and the hustles of life…

As she got off, she turned and watched the train of this dunya continue its voyage without her… Her desires were calling her; summoning for her… She heard the whispers ringing in her ears; she felt a force, so strong, pulling her… She tried her utmost to pull away. She knew the next step was a challenging one, and she was uncertain of her capability to cope with that which was awaiting her… She turned away only to see the next train approach. Deep down she knew this is what she had to do. Deep down, she knew it was time…

She anxiously stepped into the empty and mysterious train. She was both afraid and excited. Her emotions were racing and her heart was struggling to keep up. She was afraid of leaving the past that she had held onto so dearly… A past that hurt her in many ways yet felt a longing so extreme and intense for it… Her emotions also comprised of a strange and different kind of excitement as she felt an even more intense strength grow within her. This strength sprouted with her realization of how powerful the words ‘La ilaha illallah’ were. With that, it was finally time for her to embark on a new, undying journey. A journey that would take her into the realms of a whole new dimension; one she never believed existed.

She took a seat by the window… It sped and sped; seeming to only go quicker, as her heart and mind accelerated with it. The thoughts, memories and yearnings for the past wildly collided with each other, similar to a group of particles being heated; striking each other in a battle occurring within the walls of the chamber they are held within...

Her heart pounded, and the pounding throbbed through her whole body… She was hurting and she heard a voice inside her scream, drowning out every other sound… its intensity sent shivers down her body. There was nobody in sight, nobody she could call out to. She had to make this journey on her own. The screaming continued. It over rid her desires as she shook all over. She wanted to let go of everything, she didn’t know what to think but what she did know was that she wanted to submit… She knew that much for sure…

The tears flowed… Their warmth marked her cheeks as they trickled down her face. She tried to stop yet they only flowed out further. Indeed they poured out with them relief, but nothing more. The screaming stopped. “Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar”, the Azhan blared through the carriage of the train. “Ash-hadu Al-la ilaha illallah” hit her hard from every direction. She cried more and more… her heart was aching… her thoughts and memories of her past were stabbing her hard… He SWT had been there for her so many times yet she neglected her duties towards Him on so many occasions… Her tears and the relief and pain that accompanied them were somewhat of a comfort for she knew in her heart that Allah SWT alleviates all pain.
She was never more certain she was travelling in the right direction than she was certain on that day.

The call to prayer still echoed and replayed in her head. She took a deep breath and held onto the seats for support as she stood up. Her lips uttered the entrancing and powerful words of the Shahadah. She repeated them and with each time, the words were pronounced with more faith and stronger conviction. The train stopped and it was time to get off… The train ride had ended but she knew her ride was not over yet… It had only just begun… She was in for so much more for her trip was not a temporary one; it was forever...

The Shahadah came with conditions and to obtain the success and happiness she was seeking, her promise to the Almighty was to be kept, treasured and honored. In turn, Allah would fulfill His. ِ
{وَأَوْفُواْ بِعَهْدِي أُوفِ بِعَهْدِكُمْ وَإِيَّايَ فَارْهَبُونِ …}

“… And fulfill your covenant with Me as I fulfill My Covenant with you, and fear none but Me.”

She did not doubt for a second that Allah will be just… but a feeling of dread returned to her and besieged her… She knew the time will come when she would have to answer for her life. Will she answer correctly? Will she gain the success she desires? The fear that came with the thought of her failing and losing the next life was enough to make any mountain collapse and any ground shake. Was it too late to change??? Her heart trembled as she pondered over these questions. She raised her hands up to the sky, her heart bled, her body was weak and with every part of her, she cried and she cried and she cried… “Ya Allah! Forgive me!!! Forgive me! Forgive me! Ya Allah guide me!!! I have stood at your door, do not reject me. Oh Allah, I have put my complete trust in you, do not abandon me. Ya Allah, I have made many mistakes in my life, but I know you are the Most Merciful and the Most Kind, so have mercy on me and protect me ya Allah. You have many servants but I have only One Master ya Allah. No one can forgive me but You and I can turn to no one other than You, so Ya Allah, accept my Tawbah and do not let me die except in the state of Islam…” Allahumma Aameen.

She walked straight ahead of her…She muted all the noise and clamour she had created in her previous life, for she did not want to be diverted from her mission anymore… She had one aim, and would do her utmost to reach it. Allah SWT had perfected his favour upon mankind and chosen Islam as the one and only religion… She was never ever going to let go. She had prayed to her Lord many times seeking guidance and now she felt her heart had become alive with the beauty and sweetness of Islam running in her veins… fusing and blending with her blood… inhaled and exhaled with each breath… pounding with each heartbeat… uttered with each word… and remembered with each thought…

Verses of the Qur’an filled her soul… “Light upon light. God guides to His light whom He wills. And God strikes similitude for man and God has knowledge of everything.” It was like nothing she had ever felt before… She felt as though she was a new born child; so pure… She did not want to return to her past, she felt so complete with what she had now… She prayed and she prayed that the Most Merciful forgive her sins and keep her on the straight path… She never imagined returning to the One who created her to be so beautiful and sublime… She had read and heard of its beauty but only now did she really feel it… “Allah extends His hands in the night to forgive the sinner of the day and extends His hands in the day to forgive the sinner of the night.” He had been so kind and never abandoned her for a single moment… Reminiscing now, she knew His reminders were always there; whether in her parents, her family, and her friends… the signs were everywhere… it was her that ignored them and denied her conscience all along… This experience was like no other…. It was like a new breath of life being blown into her… It was like admiring the beauty and perfection of a field of flowers on a beautiful spring day and like her breath being taken away with happiness at the sight of a loved one… She never wanted to imagine her life being otherwise. All praise and thanks be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Her journey was a beautiful one; filled with love and devotion to One God. Her life had become illuminated with people from all walks of life who shared one aim and shone together as one Ummah. They were united under the one, single banner of La Ilaha Illallah.

May you all enter Jannah with your loved ones, hand in hand, praising Your Lord, saying: Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'Alameen, to abide therein forever. Ameen

-------------------------------------------------------------------

39:71 [And those who disbelieve shall be driven to hell in companies; until, when they come to it, its doors shall be opened, and the keepers of it shall say to them: Did not there come to you messengers from among you reciting to you the communications of your Lord and warning you of the meeting of this day of yours? They shall say: Yea! But the sentence of punishment was due against the unbelievers.]

39:72 [It shall be said: Enter the gates of hell to abide therein; so evil is the abode of the proud.]

39:73 [And those who are careful of (their duty to) their Lord shall be conveyed to the garden in companies; until when they come to it, and its doors shall be opened, and the keepers of it shall say to them: Peace be on you, you shall be happy; therefore enter it to abide.]

39:74 [And they shall say: (All) praise is due to Allah, Who has made good to us His promise, and He has made us inherit the land; we may abide in the garden where we please; so goodly is the reward of the workers.]

39:75 [And you shall see the angels going round about the throne glorifying the praise of their Lord; and judgment shall be given between them with justice, and it shall be said: All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.]

Could it be?

2008-04-19T21:31:00.007+10:00

I wonder if it could be
Can it ever be so?
And if it ever were to be
How will I know?
Can a miracle befall
Can it possibly become truth?
Will I hear your call?
Will I spend forever with you?
Everywhere I look, I see
Everything whispering that it must be
I hear voices asserting that it should be
Just you and me
Forever and for eternity
And that to my heart you are its key

All I'd Ever Need

2008-01-27T17:47:00.000+11:00

You are to me the entire world and all that is within
Without you I cannot come close to imagining how little life will mean
You are what embellishes and adorns my very life
Hypnotizing my eyes with your beauty and mesmerizing me with your smile
Your smile is more than sufficient to captivate me
You have conquered me in every way; and I am no longer free
And now I surrender to your love that oozes and boils within me
How will I survive if you were to ever let me be?
I gaze into your eyes and I fall in love over and over again
With you I forget all my past hurt and pain
You are better than any dream I have ever had
The most beautiful soul, most dearest love, most charming man
You are the one I want to spend my life with forever albeit forever is not enough
Your very presence allures me to thoughts and desires of being in your arms
To see you flourish in my eyes releases all my locked up sentiments
Understand these feelings I cannot and attempting to I have no interest....
All I know is that I truly adore you
And to have a single glimpse of your face I will stand in an eternal queue
You detach me from this world as you create for me a paradise of my own
A paradise exclusive to you and I alone
Your divine gaze ravishes me with charm and delight
So complete and wild you have made my life
And every word coming from your lips subsists within me eternally
Whatever I want you are by my side perpetually
To share my everyday with you is a constant dream
You are all I ever want... All I'd ever need

So dear to me

2008-01-12T01:10:00.000+11:00

Making me smile with just a thought
So much time together but only wanting more

So little thought of others
Only feelings as if the deepest of lovers

To love we did not choose
Now so afraid to lose

There remains the faith
To be one always is what we constantly pray

Will we find our place in this world?
The most precious gem you are to me... Most precious pearl

So empty when you are not near
Separating: my most hidden fear

Always in my heart I assure you
Dearer you are than all I ever knew.

-SunRise-

2007-12-27T16:18:00.001+11:00

Viewing the Art and majesty of the Almighty Creator
Within the magnanimous sky of the Lord of the Worlds
And gliding through the Kingdom of the King of Kings
I am stripped of my breath as my eyes observe the splendor of the beauty of His Lordship’s creation
The sun rises in the distance and I am privileged to witness one of the countless miracles of Allah
Colorful to the eye yet so soft and serene
Glittering, it extinguishes all darkness that had surrounded me moments before
And now it rises and plays the role appointed to it as part of the plan of the Most Merciful
Sleepless and tired I was, my eyes no longer recognize any exhaustion
Above the clouds and within them, a feeling of tranquility overcomes me….
So great… So perfect… So miraculous are the creations of Allah
Then how, I ask, Great and Perfect is the Creator?
Glory be to You Oh Allah; You Who taught man what he knew not
I am Your slave Allah and You are my Master
Nothing is possible without Your will

No Matter What...

2007-12-27T16:15:00.003+11:00

The days and nights pass me by and I yearn to see you…
The present no longer exists…
And I live in the past I spent with you and the future when we will meet yet again.
Days feel like months and seem to never end
With an aching heart, my love to you I send
So far away from both my love and dear friend
The emptiness of life overtakes me and I am swept away on a wave of misery
I drown in thoughts of a future together and the memory of our history
A history that can be counted in nights and days
Yet no matter what, always precious…
No matter what, eternally priceless

So distant

2007-12-27T05:44:00.002+11:00

Emptiness and sadness within increase and expand

Life changes so rapidly and now it’s alone I stand

The dreams I once had now seem so far away

My world has become dark; both night and day

In a land far away, a part of me remained

A part of me that I always knew would someday cause me pain

A pain that cannot be described by mere words

A pain that can neither be spoken nor heard

It is a pain that cuts deep into the deepest part of the soul

I am suddenly incomplete after once being so whole

I scream inside so loud yet no one hears me

I try to speak but cannot express the hurt and scars that stab so deep

Is this what I struggled so much for?

It hurts... I don't want it anymore

Puzzled...

2007-12-27T05:27:00.001+11:00

Caught in the middle of it all

Don’t know which way to walk

Lost and alone I am… With no one to hear my call

When even the stars cannot be seen in the sky…

And all light has been extinguished…

My only companion is the night’s breeze…

Its cold chill runs down my spine

And I shiver… Not knowing if my shiver is from the cold or from my confusion

What will the answer be?

What is the question to begin with?

What do I do? How do I know which direction is the right one?

What happens when the decisions made involve the breaking of a heart?

Where does forgiveness of oneself come into the picture? Will I forgive myself?

The burning tears roll down my cheeks leaving a trail of fire

A trail of fire leading to my heart…

A fire that will continue to burn for all of eternity

I force my lips to form a smile… A smile to put on display for others to see

As the outside appears all merry

The inside deteriorates and gradually dies…

The inside that was once so alive…

Now is feeling so helpless…

And so far from any satisfying truths.

Most Beautiful Thing

2007-12-27T05:17:00.001+11:00

With the ripples of the waves

And light shining from your face

A glimmer of hope is born

Out of a past, painful, hurt and torn

A ray of light, through the cloud shines,

As one who was a stranger, now has become mine

A rainbow rises through the rain

Soothing the soul; once oozing with pain.

Is this real? How can this be so?

That’s right; It is the most beautiful thing my heart has ever come to know

Yearning...

2007-12-27T04:53:00.001+11:00

Even in the depth of a dark and gloomy night

Your face radiates as all shadows fill with light

In your eyes I see rays of hope

That transmit the love I need to cope

For you I will give my very last breath

And because of you I neither fear life nor death

Your smile is the essence of my being

While I replay images of you in my mind; scene after scene

Truly, indescribable is the strength you instill within me

Within your arms and in your heart I yearn to forever be…

What is missing?

2007-11-04T02:32:00.000+11:00

Not everyday is as beautiful as we desire it to be...
Not everyday goes according to plan.
The heart is sad... and the eyes struggle to hold back tears
What is wrong you ask?
There is not always a specific answer to that question
Loneliness?
Emptiness?
Pain?
Stress?
What exactly is missing?
You lay down and ponder over this during the late hours of the night...
You watch the hands of the clock move right along... With not a worry in the world.
But you... You worry. You think. You cry. You plead....
You wish time stops... Or perhaps goes back in time... Or even fast forwards... Confused, are you? Confused you are...
It hurts so much you want to break down and cry... You yearn to discover the cause of your sadness.
It's a matter so deep... So deep that perhaps you are avoiding its confrontation?
But what is it? What is this pain in your heart? Where did it come from?
Why don't you fight it?